Election season has just ended and it has certainly left its mark on many Americans. The surprising victory of President-Elect Donald Trump has left a large portion of young Americans angry, sad, and honestly terrified. Others are thrilled with this outcome and can not wait to see what Trump can do to “Make America Great Again.” Well, I learned something this election too, and that was to not piss off one of the future leaders of your state. I can laugh at this story now, and hope it won’t impact me in my future, but you never know, I could end up like Zoey Barnes from House of Cards.
I am going to leave out some specifics to protect me and the politician involved, I also might exaggerate to make the story better, but here it goes.
So this past weekend I went to a very large outdoor function where it is normal for college aged kids to enjoy some alcohol and drink away the stress of the school week. I am there with some of my close friends, enjoying myself and having a grand old time. I started off by just hanging out and chilling with everyone there. We started playing games and the atmosphere picked up. Now, I am getting to the point where I am having a lot of fun and it is about time to “break the seal.” For those that do not know, “breaking the seal” is when you go to the bathroom for the first time, which then “breaks the seal” and leads to a lot more bathroom breaks in the future. So I walk down a hill to the Porta John and I notice that there are a lot of campaign signs scattered across the hillside. After I use the bathroom is when things start to get interesting.
I’m walking back up the hill where my friends are, and I think to myself “It would be really funny if I just punched one of these signs and kept on walking past it.” So I walk past one sign and uppercut that bitch right out of the ground. I thought it was hilarious, and I just got a WTF look from all of my friends. I did not take into account that the people at the bottom of the hill were probably the ones that put the signs there. Well they were, and they chased me down, and when they finally caught up to me is when my day got really good.
Two men approach me and are just like “what the hell are you doing knocking down that sign.” I said something stupid like “IDK thought it would be funny, who are you bro?” Turns out that “Bro” is actually the guy whose sign I knocked down.He was there campaigning to get re-elected. I didn’t believe him at first and asked him “Seriously?” It was definitely him and he was really really pissed. He then asked me what my name was, and genius me gave him an alias. Pretty sure it was Burt Maclin, FBI. He said he would come back and find me, which scared me honestly. He is actually very high up in state government so he is not a guy you want to F*** with. I honestly thought he was going to find me and have me arrested and plant some coke on my body. Thankfully that didn’t happen and I am safe for now.
Moral of the story is don’t get caught up in the moment and piss off your local politicians, they have nothing better to do and will probably call you out on it.