Before I begin this article I know someone is going to say something along the lines of, “Kyle, what gives you the right to rank women? You misogynist, sexist, antifemenist pig!!!” To that I would say: 1. I actually put a lot of research and effort into ranking the personas of these lovely ladies and 2. I am the most qualified person in the world to write this article. I’m a 19 year old college student who does nothing but watch sports and make questionable life choices. I’m more qualified to write this article than the CFP Committee is for picking the playoff teams.
I took 3 basic criteria into consideration while making these rankings:
Social media game
Education (including overall sports IQ)
Without further ado I give you The Break Room’s official Sideline Reporter Power Rankings:
8. Niki Noto Palmer
Social Media: 5.7k followers
Education: University of Alabama
Hotness: Caribbean Jerk sauce at Bdubs
You might recognize Niki from ESPN U RoadTrip or on the sidelines covering college football for Fox and ACC Network. Mrs. Palmer is a Bama grad so her football IQ has to be off the charts. *RAAWWLLL TIIIDDEEE* She has a very bright future on the sidelines.
7. Tracy Wolfson
Social Media: 6.6k followers
Education: University of Michigan
Hotness: Wearing a Snuggie by the fireplace
This is the woman you want to see doing sideline interviews when you sit down with your family on a Sunday afternoon to watch a wholesome, entertaining NFL game. She’s the glue that holds the CBS broadcast crew together. She covers it all too: college football, basketball, racing, tennis, you name it. She’s the seasoned veteran you can count on.
6. Allie LaForce
Social Media: 12.4k followers
Education: Ohio University
Hotness: The dance floor at your senior prom
If Tracy Wolfson is the seasoned veteran, then Allie LaForce is the hot, new rookie. She also isn’t just a pretty face on TV either. At OU she played guard for the women’s basketball team.
5. Doris Burke
Social Media: 39.6k followers (On Twitter, unfortunately Doris doesn’t have an official Instagram)
Education: Providence College
Hotness: The first day of spring when you can wear shorts
Like I said, this isn’t some piss-poor article ranking sideline reporters by how attractive they are, anyone can do that. I take all things into consideration and couldn’t keep THEE Doris Burke off of the list. She knows what she’s talking about, but that voice drives me insane, I’m sorry Doris. It sounds like she’s trying to do a Kermit the Frog impression when she talks. That aside, she is a real pioneer of the game. I expect to hear at least one Doris Burke feature on Drake’s next album.
4. Charissa Thompson
Social Media: 118k followers
Education: University of California, Santa Barbra
Hotness: Eating a Hot Pocket right out of the microwave
Most recently she’s converted to a studio host, which I don’t mind. Her days as a Fox sideline reporter were a smokeshow though. She could make Nick Saban smile during a halftime interview when he’s down by 50.
3. Molly McGrath
Social Media: 40.1k followers
Education: Boston College
Hotness: The metal part of the seat belt in the middle of July
All I can say is wow. In college, she was a cheerleader and transitioned into a sideline reporter. She’s the best of both worlds. Molly recently moved from Fox Sports to ESPN where I’m sure she’s hauling in the dough. She hosted Battlebots in 2015 and who doesn’t love watching an attractive woman give you analysis of a robot death match? I hope she makes a couple stops in Morgantown for hoops season so I can hand her my resume.
2. Erin Andrews
Social Media: 657k followers
Education: University of Florida
Hotness: boiling water
You know Erin Andrews, I don’t need to explain that she’s gorgeous and probably knows more about sports than you. She’s bounced back since Peephole-gate. Fox Sports is surpassing ESPN and I think Andrews’ has something to do with that. She’s a powerhouse and can check the Super Bowl, World Series and College Football Championship off her sideline reporting bucket list. She also hosts Dancing With Stars, which is the only reason I would consider watching the show. Erin Andrews will always have a special place in my heart, but she’s not #1 anymore.
1. Sam Ponder
Social Media: 333k followers
Education: Liberty University
Hotness: Earth’s core
Samantha Ponder is America’s sweetheart. She grew up in Phoenix, Arizona then went off to college in New York City with a dream of being a sportscaster. She talked to the right people and eventually landed a researcher-assistant job with ABC for college football. The “researcher-assistant job” wasn’t cutting it so she transferred to Liberty and became sideline reporter for the university’s TV network. Now she co-hosts College GameDay and is sideline reporter for the primetime game each week. Most importantly, she’s the 2016 host of Battlebots!!! How can you not be cheering for this girl?
*Just a side note; I’m dressed as a banana in the background of one of her Insta posts*
— Kyle Sams (@Sams_Klub) November 15, 2014